in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
