I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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