I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
