I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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