I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i believe in u and ur pee
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
