Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
