she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
