what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
