i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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