Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
