is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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