So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
