Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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