Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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