They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
