I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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