She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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