Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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