dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
