honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
