Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
