Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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