shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
