Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
