I've blown a few things in my day
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
