trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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