Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
