thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
