i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
