bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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