Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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