just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
