Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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