spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
