just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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