Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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