i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am available for nakedness
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
