I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
