so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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