:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I lost the right to judge tonight
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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