my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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