I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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