i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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