If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize