also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
