Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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