Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
