you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
