And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
