i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
