Cold hands, warm shart.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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