sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
