Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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