my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We smell like vodka and hangover
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