Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
