You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
