Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
