Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
