Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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