I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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