take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
