My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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