trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
