party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize