Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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